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| narooma ©010713 |
…the bird, the buoy and the bollard…
looking out from the pub with the 'million dollar view'…
Tuesday, 17 December 2013
Monday, 16 December 2013
you, good sir, get on my goat!
…I do not know much about goat and less still why they sit well in a curry sauce and why they look good on a rolling stones record cover both at the same time… I know no one who don't relish kashmiri goat dish rogan josh or similar exotic names except the assorted facebook vegetarians (an old indian word for bad hunters) and my eldest sister… she ate all other meat but when it came to goat, she reckoned the aroma too goaty, whatever that meant… 'hamis' was the term she used to describe the dish though it was not even a scottish recipe and remotely porky… when the afternoon rain stopped in johor bahru, malaysia, and the streets cooled, I would squat down on a low stool at an indian hawker and order a steaming bowl with two slices of white bread to dunk in the goat soup which only they knew how to make…
...also in malaysia I was led to believe goats provide you with mutton... the saying 'mutton dressed as lamb' made me regard sheep as superior to goat... yeah my growing up was pretty much blatantly specist... much later did I learn which provides what but by then my life was screwed up in some other ways... in canberra I got my goat meat, lamb, hogget and mutton more or less sorted out and got to know how I could obtain the former... from mother's nature in tuggeranong on tuesdays, from the showground market stall on some saturdays and from the halal butcher in mawson any day but tried to avoid fridays due to high demand... religious public servants flexing off friday noon for prayer meetings and others to the pubs for usual friday fare…
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…800kg sandra bullock and moe…
on tracey walkers's newstead station, western queensland
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...what do these farmers do with their galore of goats besides probably milk them but not sell their meat… a wedding dowry?
...one farmer said she could part with one member of her flock, which was very xmassy of her, but I have to grab the whole carcass… that's going to be a major logistics problem when one considers one doesn't have a deep freezer handy and has no immediate plan to organize a neighbourhood goat-on-a-spit xmas orgy party...
...over yonder hills, john the maltese nice man, newly acquired a herd of 50 white-coated goats… they look a perfect postcard picture from the road when you drive by between bermagui and cobargo… all walking dinner balls to me, but he wouldn't part with any of them not that I call his goats that to his sensitive face… however, he does sell the sweetest, juiciest apples I've ever munched this side of eden, I give him that… I could just picture good old robin hood in which when they serve dinner on that massive table in the medieval castle, instead of a pig, they have a succulent whole goat with one of maltese little john's golden delicious stuck in its mouth… on another screen next door in the multiplex, a horned goathead the centerpiece presiding over a hushed circle of dark cloaked figures standing inside a pentagram… candles a-burning... the flashing glint of a dagger poised... a scream pierced the dolby sensurround... but nope no apple here…
...talking about gatherings of folks with plenty of spare time on their hands (looking for a segue here), at a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, 'who here has seen a ghost?' most hands went up…'and how about some form of interaction with a ghost?' about half the hands stayed up… 'ok, how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost? three hands remained up followed by a slight murmur in the crowd…
'well, that's interesting… let me ask if any of you have, how shall I put it, been intimate with a ghost'… one hand stayed up… the speaker was astonished, 'sir, are you telling us that you've actually had liaison with a ghost?… the guy with the hand up suddenly said, 'oh, I thought you said goat'…
'well, that's interesting… let me ask if any of you have, how shall I put it, been intimate with a ghost'… one hand stayed up… the speaker was astonished, 'sir, are you telling us that you've actually had liaison with a ghost?… the guy with the hand up suddenly said, 'oh, I thought you said goat'…
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| my friend thea's angoras in coolagolite ©280913 |
...a couple more goats and I'm done with this caprine blog...
…in a suburb of Bradford, Dilldip and Dilldip decided to create a bit of the ol' country… they went out and each bought a goat…when they got home, Dilldip turned to Dilldip and said, 'Dilldip, me ol' mate, how we gonna tell who owns which feckin goat?'…Dilldip says, 'well Dilldip, i'll cut one a ta ears off my feckin goat, and ten we can tell 'em apart.'…'ah tat'd be grand,' says Dilldip
…this worked fine until a couple of weeks later when Dilldip stormed into the house…'Dilldip,' he said, 'your feckin goat has chewed the ear off a my feckin goat…now we got two feckin goats with only one ear each…how we goin ter tell who owns which feckin goat?'…'well Dilldip,' said Dilldip, 'i'll cut ta other ear off my feckin goat…ten we'll av two feckin goats and only one of them will have an ear'…'ah, tat'd be grand,' says Dilldip
…again this worked fine until a couple of weeks later when Dilldip again stormed into the house…'Dilldip,' he said, 'your feckin goat has chewed the other ear offa my feckin goat…now we got two feckin goats with no feckin ears…how we goin ter tell who owns which goat?'…'ah tis is serious, Dilldip,' said Dilldip…'i'll tell ya what i'll do…i'll cut ta tail offa my feckin goat…ten we'll have two feckin goats with no feckin ears, and only one feckin tail'…'ah tat'd be grand,' says Dilldip
…another couple of weeks went by, and you guessed it, Dilldip stormed into the house once more…'DILLDIP,' shouted Dilldip, 'YOUR FECKIN GOAT HAS CHEWED THE FECKIN TAIL OFFA MY FECKIN GOAT AND NOW WE GOT TWO FECKIN GOATS WITH NO FECKIN EARS AND NO FECKIN TAILS! HOW THE FECK ARE WE GOIN TER FECKIN TELL 'EM APART?'…'ah feck it,' says Dilldip'…'how about you have the black one, and i'll have the white one?'
Ֆ
...a name I've seen on fb is Tangerine Mc Goaty Lemons... how cool is that!
...a name I've seen on fb is Tangerine Mc Goaty Lemons... how cool is that!
…rural puzzle #44
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| tilba tilba ©220911 |
… the cows always face the same direction when eating grass - why oh why?...
…coastal dead calm #43
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| the bridge, narooma ©070913 |
...the peace... just days before the release of
grand theft auto v ...
grand theft auto v ...
Sunday, 15 December 2013
the pak of thee
...somebody posted this Joke:
A farmer in Yorkshire sees a man drinking from his stream, so he shouts ,
“Ey up cocker, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer, its full o hoss piss an cow shite an it could kill thee”
The man says: "Excuse me Sir, I am a muslim from Pakistan , can you be speaking clearer and slower please”
The farmer replies: " if....you.... Use.... Two ....Hands....... You....Wont.... Spill ....Any"
I normally am not picky on a joke if it's funny but I'm making a fuss on this one Joke:
…what's he doing drinking from a creek in the cold, bleak wilderness of Yorkshire Moor far far away from sunny home… must be an 'illegal' as the Australian Immigration Minister, Mr. Scott Morrison likes to label these poor sods… when you see one, you should check the bush nearby… there should be a Pak of them hiding… and he is very polite and speaking in reasonably proper English too… bloody illegal; probably a doctor.
(And I can say with absolute certainty that when I introduce myself to a farmer, or anyone for that matter, I do not go and say "Excuse me Sir, I am a Muslim from Malaysia." I offer my hand and say, "G'day, how're ya? I'm Mish," is sufficient enough. And I think that thirsty but very polite man would've done the same. Not to mention the writing denigrates the whole British farming community. ☆ One star.)
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| ©011213 |
…rural tinctorial #39
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| central tilba ©070913 |
...on top of that, they provided you with pencils but not erasers!... and to avoid paying a hefty fine, you had to drag yourselves out in the morning after a friday all-night of cool moves to a muso with a drum machine and the digital supremes backing vocals, and go vote... although it was already a foregone conclusion that red speedo was to be your next prime minister...
"… we shoot, we root, we vote… we are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime…"
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| ©070913 |
also, "…we are united in a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck, gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in federal parliament while bloody brian harradine can get 24 000 votes and run the whole country…
not that we're whingeing… we leave that to our pommy immigrants… we want to make 'no worries, mate' our national phrase, 'she'll be right, mate' our national attitude and 'waltzing matilda' our national anthem… (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide…)
we love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning… and we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, afl, roo-shooting, two-up and horseracing
… we also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed olympians in the known universe… and even though we might seem racist, close-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we're better than the kiwis..."
(collected by phillip adams + patrice newell)
Ϡ
…that morning in a pub… two blokes drinking beer… one keeps moaning and groaning and shaking his head and says, 'fuck the bastards!'… a minute later, another 'fuck the bastards!'… after twenty minutes of this, the other bloke says, 'if you keep talking politics, I'm leaving'…
Ϟ
… picture yourself near a stream…
birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air…
nothing can bother you here…
no one knows this secret place…
you are in total seclusion from that place called the "real" world…
the smell of pine and blossom is on the gentle breeze…
the soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity…
the water is clear…
you can easily make out the face of the person who's going to be…
australia's next prime minister…
there there now - feel better?
Ϛ
…wakes up in a new era, noon is high… saunters in shock - bugger it…
the waves await with glee…
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| ©080913 |
ζ
Saturday, 14 December 2013
…coastal startle #37
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| tathra wharf cafe ©170813 |
…twice in my life have I ever seen a live whale… and this is the second right here...
I came down to the historic wharf not expecting anything spectacular, o well the view was already fabulous enough... and just to watch people fishing... but there was no one throwing a line!... why, because the whale apparently scared the fish away and those that didn't get away in time were probably lunch... everyone, including anglers with uncast rods at their feet, couples having coffee and sharing quiche lorraine, the cafe staff in black aprons... everybody, was just standing around watching the big mammal strut its stuff...
۬ ♑
…rural surreal #36
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| wapengo ©241112 |
...this old bridge is a tranquil spot for a short stop... it's between tathra and bermagui along a curly 40 km drive...
I always park and enjoy a little sojourn and watch the fish swimming around... it's soo peaceful...
...but be careful though of its 90 degree approach especially at night... it's completely dark here and you can easily miss it and end up at somebody's farm gate... which was exactly what I did one moonless night...
♒
Friday, 13 December 2013
madiba
…over a year ago, I posted this joke… it was never meant to be disrespectful and, due to the present sense of loss, I'm sorry if I'm such a dic… but because I've never met the great man when he was alive, and needless to say I would very much like to have shook hands with him, I imagine he would have enjoyed a good laugh if I were to have told this to him… I can now look at this differently; my eulogy if you like, to a great soul… because, I tell him, 'I can imagine you sitting at home enjoying your retirement, watching tv when there is a knock at the door...
...a little japanese man, clutching a clipboard yells, "you sign! you sign!" behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts... you say to him, "look mate, you've got the wrong bloke... get lost!" and shut the door in the man's face...
…the next day you again hear a knock at the door… the little man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads... he thrusts the clipboard under your nose, yelling, "you sign! you sign!"... you are a bit annoyed by now... "look, get lost! you've got the wrong guy... I don't want them!" and slam the door...
...the following day you are resting, hear another knock... the little japanese man thrusts the same clipboard, shouting, "you sign! you sign!" behind him are TWO large trucks full of wing mirrors... you completely lose your cool, pick the little man up by the collar and yell: "look mate, I don't want these! who are you looking for?"... the man, puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says, "you not Nissan Maindealer?" '
…rest in peace, dear sir...
xmas... it's all greek to me...
…it's that time of year…
so I guess it's my civic duty yet again to reboot this song by eric idle, of monty python, with piano by john du prez…
f❄u❄c❄k❄ christmas ♬
it's a waste of f❄u❄c❄k❄ing time ♪
f❄u❄c❄k❄ santa ♬
he's just out to get your dime ♪
f❄u❄c❄k❄ holly ♩
and f❄u❄c❄k❄ ivy ♩
and f❄u❄c❄k❄ all that mistletoe ♫
f❄u❄c❄k❄ing sleigh bells ringing ♫
everywhere you f❄u❄c❄k❄ing go ♩
and bloated men in shopping malls ♫
all going ho ho ho ♩♩♩
it's f❄u❄c❄k❄ing christmas time again ♪
so I guess it's my civic duty yet again to reboot this song by eric idle, of monty python, with piano by john du prez…
f❄u❄c❄k❄ christmas ♬
it's a waste of f❄u❄c❄k❄ing time ♪
f❄u❄c❄k❄ santa ♬
he's just out to get your dime ♪
f❄u❄c❄k❄ holly ♩
and f❄u❄c❄k❄ ivy ♩
and f❄u❄c❄k❄ all that mistletoe ♫
f❄u❄c❄k❄ing sleigh bells ringing ♫
everywhere you f❄u❄c❄k❄ing go ♩
and bloated men in shopping malls ♫
all going ho ho ho ♩♩♩
it's f❄u❄c❄k❄ing christmas time again ♪
✥
…rural feral #32…
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| victoria creek ©010713 …red fox near remnants of ancient palm trees... ...pix taken by roadside of the new princes highway 42 million dollar upgrade between central tilba turnoff to mystery bay turnoff... a stretch of about 5km... |
Thursday, 12 December 2013
…coastal unreal #30
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barragga point ©130613
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...a couple of months ago, passing through here on my bike... there were a pair of whales enjoying their splashings on their way south towards eden, then perhaps onto antartica... there were six other people on the beach that afternoon marvelling at the surprise visit...
...according to the locals who live around cuttagee whom I regularly play pool with at the nearby pub... these are regular events they could watch from their backporch while having a cuppa... lucky folks... only two other times have I ever actually seen these unexpected whales' free shows from the comfort of the beach...
⑈
Wednesday, 11 December 2013
...rural surreal #29
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| monaro highway, williamsdale ©061010 |
… just outside canberra
on the road to the south coast... strange...
𝄑
…coastal sparkle #28
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| south tilba road beach ©200911 |
...though there's tilba in the name, this beach is nowhere near central tilba or, come to think of it, tilba tilba both of which are on the other side, inland and across the princes highway, a short 1 km turnoff between cobargo and narooma, at the head of the new 42 million dollar highway straddling victoria creek... this is much nearer to bermagui actually...
⸞
…rural surreal #27
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| shire of bega valley ©040612 |
...shot westward from the princes highway between bega and cobargo in new south wales south coast, these hills and dales provide some splendid 40 km vista speckled by hamlets as you whiz by...
☙
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
…rural unreal #26
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yowrie ©140911
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...you may say that there's nothing unreal about this place... perhaps there isn't... but I guess with any place you've ever visited, you'll feel the magic when you're actually there... sometimes you cannot describe how you feel being in such a place... I've been living in big cities most of my life... kuala lumpur, canberra, london... they were memorable and I had woot woot kinds of life there; fabulous... three years ago, out of the blue, I dropped everything and made the impulsive move to live as near the ocean as possible... you know the package deal: horizon, waves, empty beaches, found objects, etc... but I could only afford a home 20 minutes away from the sea in a small rural town not unlike my birthplace... as you do around your new home, you begin to explore and meet new people... that's when you stumble upon a little surprise just like yowrie, and not far from home too... and slowly you feel the unrealness unfolds...
㌵
Monday, 9 December 2013
…rural surreal #25
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| lake george ©030310 |
…the water that seem to come and go… waterless weerewa, the aboriginal name for the lake... one weird lake...
۪۬
…coastal ripple #24
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| …wallaga lake & the sea ©020812 |
...some fishing people from this beautiful area, whom I've met at the bermi club pool comps some wednesdays and fridays, supply me with abalone... and at fifty bucks for eighteen, is a bloody good deal... they even throw in a couple of fish for free... tip from a friend of a friend: slice the abalone thinly and bash each piece lightly with the meat-tenderising mallet...
⌭
…rural surreal #23
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…ships of the desert... in wandella? ©150613
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...a farmer in wandela in the cold bega valley recently bought three camels for eight hundred bucks each from a dealer in broken hill...
they are employed to eat the weeds like blackberry, tussocks and suchlikes that the cows won't touch... a trio of green, humped weed-killers...
...whichever way you look at it, the name seems encouragingly appropriate for a fertile camel... unless of course the owner hasn't a clue what it means or if she has, doesn't give a hoot what nosy neighbours like me think they know... as long as her weeds got tamed...
ڰ
…coastal anctorial #22
...but around here this beach is called camel rock... due to a rock that looks like one just out of the picture to the right... and if that's not confusing enough, beauty point is also around here...
Sunday, 8 December 2013
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